This year was my first official Mother's Day!
I still can't believe that I am a mother.
I realized that I haven't taken the time to write
down the events of the day I became a mother.
So, here it is. I understand if you don't feel like reading it,
it is more for my memory. I don't want to forget the details.
So, that morning, I went to work, I was working
on Triage that day(talking to patients on the phone about
refills and/or medical questions).
I had my 28 week appointment with Dr. Savage
that morning at 8:30.We heard Amy's heartbeat,
I asked her a few questions, then
went throughout the day. Around 3:00 pm
I started having some odd pains (little did
I know they were labor pains).
I asked Dr. Savage about thepains to which she said to
just watch them. At this point, they would come
maybe twice every 45 mins to an hour. I didn't feel the
greatest but kept working anyway. 5 o'clock came and it was
time to go home. I checked in with Dr. Savage
once more before heading home because I was still having
these pains. She told me to cancel all my plans for the night
(we were planning on going to the temple) and to just take
it easy. Of course, the traffic on the way home was awful!
I remember having some really bad pains on the way home.
I think the denial started at this point.
The thought of having my baby that day didn't even cross my mind.
I came home to my wonderful husband who
helped me get all cozy on the couch to
take it easy. I downloaded an "app" on my Ipod
that let me track my "contractions."
Although, again, I didn't think I was in labor, I just
wanted to see how close the pains were coming.
We needed to get some groceries and although
Jeff didn't want to leave me, I assured him I was fine
and sent him to the store. While he was gone, the pains
got worse. I tried to sleep on the couch but couldn't.
So, I ran a hot bath and took some Tylenol.
I remember sitting in the bath, using my app and
tracking pains that were coming every few minutes!!
You would think that a HUGE light-bulb would be going
off in my head by now but I was trying to be tough
and kept telling myself everything was fine.
Finally, I got out of the tub, got dressed and called Jeff.
I started to cry and he told me was checking
out at the store and that he'd be there right away.
He called me probably 2 minutes later
assuring me that he was coming, but he accidentally
left the keys at the register and had to
run back inside the store to get them. :)
Jeff came home, threw the groceries in the fridge
(chips, bread, canned goods..I mean
ALL of it), helped me put socks on and
off we went! We had to drive from Lehi to
the Timpanogos Hospital in Orem which
was about a 20 minute drive. On the way, Jeff
tried callingmy parents and his parents but no
one answered! He was finally able to get a
hold of his sister, Crystal and my sister-in-law Ashley
who spread the word that we were
heading to the hospital. We later found out that
bothJeff's parents and my parents were at the temple.
My parents had just finished and his parents
were in the temple dressing rooms. Everyone dropped
what they were doing and came to be with us.
When we got to the hospital at around 7:20 p.m., Jeff ran
inside to get a wheelchair and a nurse, and I
stumbled towards the door(even though Jeff
told me to stay put until he came with help).
They rushed me in, thought maybe I had a UTI which
was causing bladder spasms and in turn
causing contractions. I was so angry with the nurses.
I was in SO much pain and they
calmly asked me to pee in a cup! Afterwards, they had me undress
and put on a gown. I kept tellingthem that I felt like pushing.
Every nurse was telling me repeatedly,
"don't push, don't push!"One of the nurses
set up a small ultrasound machine
next to me and found that Amy was breech.
Another nurse did a pelvic exam.
I was completely dilated.
I remember her saying
"You're going to have your baby today."
It wasn't until then that the reality came.
Amy was coming.
Then, the fear set in and the tears came out.
I immediately broke down crying telling
Jeff she couldn't come today.
He grabbed my hands,got in my face and
told me over and over that she was coming
and that it'll all be ok. He was so brave and strong.
After that I only remember certain pieces
of what was going on. I think it is safe to say I was
in a severe state of shock. I remember the
nurses yelling to call my doctor, the anesthesiologist
came in and started giving me a spinal epidural,
my parents and in-laws came in to
see me. Each of them held my hand
quickly while I was on my side getting the spinal.
My mother-in-law took my wedding ring for me.
My mom was teary-eyed, and my dad looked
worried. I was thankful all four
of my parents were there with us.
Minutes later, I was being wheeled to
the O.R. I was moved to the operating table,
met my surgeon, Dr. Thorpe, and up went
that blue curtain, blocking my view from seeing the
surgery. Jeff stayed up by my face the whole time.
The anesthesiologist also stayed up
by my face, explaining what was going on.
I didn't feel anything during the procedure, only
tugging and pulling. During the surgery, they
found that I had placental abruption.
More tugging and pulling and POP! there she was!
Our beautiful angel from heaven. As soon
as she was out, the nurses standing by took her
to be cleaned off hook her up to the ventilator
and monitors. I remember feeling so sad
and worried because I didn't hear her cry.
I needed to know she was ok, but all I
could do was lay there while they sewed me up.
Jeff kissed me, and left the room with our baby girl.
I was taken to a recovery room where they
let family members come in a few at a time
to see me. Everyone was there. I have the
greatest family. I felt so loved. SO scared, but loved.
The Neonatologist came in to talk to us.
Dr. Gertsmann. He's a wonderful doctor,
but lacks insocial skills. I'm sure it's
his way to cope with the emotional part of his job,
but whatever it was, he scared us.
He didn't have one optimistic thing
to say. I felt so sleepy whilehe was talking to
us. I tried my hardest to pay attention,
but can't remember much of what he said.
I was taken to my real room where I
think if I remember correctly, more family
came to see me.Jeff had taken 3 pictures of Amy
on his phone while they were cleaning her up,
he showed those to me.
I wasn't strong enough to go see her. I didn't see
her until the next morning around 9:30.
She was so beautiful. I couldn't believe how tiny
she was. I wanted to know what every wire
and light and IV that was attached to her was for.
I couldn't touch her. The sound of the ventilator scared me.
She was bruised on her arms and legs
from being pulled out. She was swollen and very still.
I was scared. I wanted her back inside me.
I didn't know what the future would hold.
Jeff was there for me. He was so great.
He attended to my every need. He would wheel me to
the NICU multiple times a day. He made
sure I slept and ate. He listened to my cry, and even
cried with me a few times. We didn't have any
other choice but to push through and handle
it the only way we knew how.
The following months were very trying. We had
so many ups and downs. Heavenly Father
watched over our little girl when we weren't
there by her side, and now, she is home and well.
I have always wanted to be a mother,
and it has finally come.
Knowing that Amy will be
with Jeff and I through this life and through
eternity is the best feeling ever!
I love having her in my life.
I am grateful for the way she came to this earth. It
was the most difficult thing I have ever gone through
but it has made me appreciate being a mother
even more. I hope that all the mothers
rememberhow precious their children are,
and what a miracle they can be in our lives.
Happy Mother's Day!!
